I Want You To Choose Me

I want you to choose me. Wholeheartedly. Insistently. Beyond logic, beyond reason, beyond what is convenient. I want you to wake up and know within the depths of your heart, within the profundity and chaos of your soul, that it’s me you want. Forever. To grow from and to learn from. To hold onto amidst all of life’s beauty and tragedy. I want you to want all of me. My being, my body, my mind, my soul, my heart.

And I don’t want anything less.

2 Misconceptions About Travel

1. Travel Is But A Means Of Escape

I do understand the idea behind this, but this statement implies that you are running away from something. Either people, mundanity, current problems, and whatever trials you face in your current life. To a certain degree it is true, but the problems you face at home will be similar to the ones you face when you travel. Changing locations doesn’t magically make these problems disappear. And the truth is, I AM NOT trying to escape anything. I am absolutely in love with my life. I find beauty even in mundane moments. The reason I travel is to ENRICH my already WONDERFUL LIFE. And what a fucking blessing that is.

2. Traveling By Yourself Is A Lonely Experience

Loneliness was one of my biggest dilemmas last year. I was so consumed by it- by the rush and need to be with someone, to be validated by someone’s emotions, to belong to someone. The loneliness was so apparent that it consumed me and ate at my soul everyday. With the planning of my long-term solo trip, I was afraid that it would only result in days upon days of yearning for company, for togetherness, so much so that I actually thought about postponing the trip until I found a partner that I can travel with. But this year has taught me a lot, and has definitely caused a complete change in mindset. One thing I can finally say with a full heart is that,

LONELINESS IS A NORMAL HUMAN EMOTION, BUT LEARNING TO BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND HELPS.

And the wonder and wisdom of this realization is that I will be able to take BEAUTY, PEACE and STILLNESS wherever I go. Whatever continent I’m in, whatever remote city I’m exploring, I’ll be able to carry these within me amidst the CHAOS, THRILL and UNPREDICTABILITY of the CONSTANT MOVEMENT of TRAVEL.

 

 

Resolutions (2017 Edition)

  1. Don’t force things and stop looking so hard. What’s meant for you will happen in due time.
  2. Work on your body. Cultivate confidence.
  3. Try to be more comfortable with home life.
  4. Spend more time with family.
  5. Be more financially conscious. Save the fuck up.
  6. Work on self-discipline. Make change sustainable.
  7. Be mindful of what you eat. Nourish your body.
  8. Be very aware of how you spend your time.
  9. Plan. A beautiful, fulfilled life needs meticulous planning.
  10. Think BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS. Surround yourself with BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE and set your life amidst a BEAUTIFUL BACKDROP.

Lessons Learned (2016 Edition)

At the end of every year, without fail, I make two lists. One of the lessons I’ve learned that year, and one of the resolutions and goals for the future. Here are my lessons learned.

  1. Adventure and travel fuel the soul.
  2. All is fair in love and war.
  3. You never know when you will meet a kindred spirit.
  4. True friends make the foundation of a happy life.
  5. Life is as much as the exciting journey you make it to be.
  6. When the chatter gets too noisy, tune everything out and listen to the beating of your heart.
  7. Never let it come to a point where you feel jaded about life or love.
  8. Always surround yourself with people that take you higher
  9. Be kind. You never know what people are struggling through.
  10. There is an endless supply of beauty and magic in this world.

Quarter-Century Insights

In honor of turning this golden age of 25, here are some of my prevailing thoughts.

  1. The heart always heals.
  2. Life goes on, whether you like it or not.
  3. Friendship can be the brightest and strongest of flames.
  4. Sexuality is a beautiful thing to explore.
  5. Confidence and self-assurance are sexy AF.
  6. Boys are still idiots.
  7. Love is transient but you make the most of it.
  8. Happiness has always been and will always be a choice. Fight for it.
  9. Being in love with yourself is a life-long process.
  10. You make the rules of your own life and you are limited by boundaries you create yourself.
  11. Never be jaded.
  12. You love and you lose, but you always try.
  13. Adventure is what makes life worthwhile.
  14. Silence and comfortability in solitude are vital.
  15. Insist on living the life you’ve always imagined for yourself.
  16. At the end of it, all you have are your stories.
  17. Never, ever, ever settle.
  18. Know with conviction that life is beautiful and that you are part of its beauty.

9 Signs You’re Adulting Way Too Hard

Adulting (v): to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown ups.

Used in a sentence: Jane is adulting quite well today as she is on time for work promptly at 8am and appears well groomed.
 
First and foremost, thanks urban dictionary. Secondly, we all know adulting sucks. I have yet to meet one person who doesn’t wish that they could go back to a time where life was more carefree, where things such as bills and mortgage payments were abstract ideas of the future. But as inevitability as the change of seasons, we’re all thrusted into this stage of life where we are suddenly expected to know what we’re supposed to do. And let’s face it, some people adapt to this stage of life a lot easier and seamlessly than the rest. If you are one of these people, then I definitely envy you. Because as you chat with me about the prospective houses you found on Zillow.com, I on the other hand, feel like I’m flailing around blindly on a daily basis while eating microwavable mac and cheese.

Here are 7 signs that you are definitely winning at adulting:

1. You have a stable 9-5 job and are looking to advance in your career.

Others bitch and moan about the 40-hour work week, but you’re actually pretty used to it. It now comes second nature to you. You enjoy work and you take pride in it. While the rest are stuck with their basic ass jobs, like working as a server or working in retail, you have a career in place.You are a legitimate professional.

Also, other than having a career that you’re proud of, you are on the track to advancement in your field. You’re constantly trying to update your resume and look for opportunities to grow. Your bosses love you and they see great potential in you.

2. If you don’t already own a house, you are on the market for one.

The idea of a mortgage doesn’t send bile up your throat anymore, rather, you welcome this idea. You spend your free time perusing through Zillow. com, finding  yourself daydreaming about what your perfect backyard will look like. You look forward to furniture shopping and deciding what plates to buy and which swatch of yellow you want your walls to be.

During conversations, you talk about things such as APR rates, and the mere talk of this exhausts the non-adults around you. The non-adults don’t know how in the world you were able to save that much money while they’re living paycheck to paycheck. While they’re busy streaming the 4th season of New Girl on Netflix, you spend your free time researching on mortgages and how real estate works. You now have a better grasp on this, and everything that goes into buying a house doesn’t overwhelm you as much anymore.

3. You actually invest in good insurance plans

People that are adulting well have realized they want to protect their investments whether it be a car, a house, or any other properties they own. You’ve worked hard for these investments so why not protect them? On the other end of the spectrum, others (AKA me) are driving the same ’98 Honda Civic they’ve been driving since their first year in college, with the most basic car insurance one can get that makes them able to legally drive on the road.

4. You have a 401K

You look well into the future and think very long-term. Retirement is actually a recurring idea in your head, and you want to be well-prepared for it when the time comes. You don’t want to become old without savings, and worst you don’t want to be a burden to the people around you. And because of this, you plan to set aside a good amount of money.

5. You are obsessed with increasing your credit score

You keep track of this score because you know that a good credit score is essentially the golden ticket to the finer things in life. You’re signed up to websites such as mybankrate.com and creditkarma.com  and you check it almost on the daily. Heck, you even have the apps on your phone. Your google searches are filled with topics such as  “Ways to improve your credit score” and “How to save more.”

6. You’re in bed by 10 PM

The idea of being awake past this time, is honestly quite ludicrous to you. You need your sleep and rest. While others are still trying to recreate the frat parties they used attend in college, you have grown out of that and you have no plans of looking back. You’ve also acknowledged the good amount of research that says a good amount of sleep is key to a healthier lifestyle.

7. You’re actually starting to eat healthy and care about your body

You realize that you’re not invincible, and you’ve started to care about what kind of food you’re putting into your body. You’re in the market for food that’s organic and maybe even gluten-free. Gone are the days when you carelessly shove Mcdonald’s down your throat. Also, you make an effort to stay active and may even have a gym memerbership to prove it.

8. You have multiple savings accounts

You are able to budget your money responsibly. Unlike the rest of us who live paycheck to paycheck and whose money seems like they’re slipping through our fingers without us knowing, you know exactly where your money is going. You allocate it appropriately, and heck, you even have an emergency fund. Now that is the epitome of responsibility. Like you actually save money for perceived events. What’s more responsible than that?

9. You’re looking to settle down

You already have everything in order so the only thing missing is someone to share it with. You have your life in check. You got the money down. You know what your priorities are. Now you’re just looking for someone to settle down with. Companionship is something you are looking forward to, and you’re done playing the games that you used to. You want something straightforward, and most importantly, something that will last.

And for those of you who are not adulting too well and are having an extreme bout of inadequacy after reading this list, don’t worry, you are not alone. Most people in this stage of life feel as if they’re pretending to be adults rather than actually identifying themselves as such. All we can really do is take it day by day, and hope that one day when we wake up, the idea of adulthood doesn’t seem so foreign anymore.

 

6 Weird Things That Nurses Say

Being a nurse can be extremely fulfilling, completely and utterly exhausting, and sometimes, downright comical.  I’ve only been a nurse for half a year now, but man, some things we say are just plain weird, especially if put in the context of real life . These are some of the things I’ve heard nurses say, all of which I’m guilty of myself.

1. You have beautiful veins

I’ve heard this so much that you’d think nurses have some sort of weird vein fetish.  But the truth is, getting a good IV in is so satisfying, and nice, plump, well-hydrated veins just make that dream so much more attainable. #THATBLOODRETURNTHOUGH

2. Does that smell like C. Diff to you?

Nothing gets a shift going like good ol’ C diff. For those of you that are non-nurses, C. Diff is this wonderful plague that afflicts patients, causing runny, foul-smelling diarrhea. This is when you have to get your acting skills going because being in a room while talking to a patient that has C. Diff and pretending to not be affected by the sheer odor of it is honestly Oscar-worthy.

3. Look at these gorgeous P-waves

Shout out to my telemetry nurses! When you hear a nurse say this they’re actually talking about a patient’s EKG strips which monitor heart function. Nice, uniform P waves usually mean that the person is in normal sinus rhythm AKA normal heart function AKA no need to call doctors about hearts that have gone haywire.

4. This catheter will only sting a bit

May I say that catheters (the tube that goes up one’s urethra into the bladder to collect urine) are never fun for any of the parties involved. For women, it can be hard finding the right hole (LOL) and for guys, inserting a catheter into their penis is seriously what their worst nightmares are made of. I’ve had guys scream, curse, and get red from forcing themselves to pee just so I wouldn’t have to put a catheter in.

5. When was your last bowel movement/ are you passing gas?

Try asking this in real life and see what kind of reactions you’ll be getting. Maybe slip it in during dinner conversation.

6. Squeeze my hands

For some reason, this always makes me laugh. It just sounds so elementary to me, when the truth is  we’re assessing things such as a patient’s alertness and motor function. I’ve had people raise their eyebrows at me, snicker, and also squeeze my hands so hard that I thought they might fracture my metacarpals. So yes, go ahead, squeeze my hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Self-Preservation Is A Key To Lasting Happiness

“I gave it my all. And I was left with nothing.”

How often have you heard someone say this, or better yet, how often have you heard this come out of your own mouth?

As human beings, we are inclined to give all of ourselves when we get invested in something. Whether relationships, careers, or whatever goals we have in life, we tend to devote most of our time and energy while putting ourselves on the back burner. In a relationship, their happiness takes priority over yours. Their needs take priority over yours. Your world starts to revolve around them. Your fulfillment becomes dependent on theirs. In pursuing careers, we tend to invest most of our time while our personal lives tend to suffer. We adhere to mantras such as, “Go big or go home” and “All or nothing”.

And it all works out when things are nice and dandy and going your way, but what’s wrong with this picture?

What’s wrong with this picture is that the outcome is unpredictable. You never know how things will turn out. Maybe you’ll end up marrying that person you’re in a relationship with or maybe you’ll  end up going your separate ways. Maybe you won’t get that promotion, or worse, you get laid off. Maybe the universe chooses to send you a curveball, and you find yourself in the middle of an existential crisis, not knowing what goals to pursue or even what these goals should be. And when it doesn’t pan out the way you hoped it would, you’re left clutching at your chest from the pain of it all, left desolate with a lingering emptiness you can’t shake off, and burdened with having to pick up the pieces.

I’m not saying to not give it your best. Trust me, I am a firm believer in taking chances, tasking risks and being vulnerable. But here’s a secret, you’re not supposed to give it your all. Know your limitations and only give what you can afford. Because if you use it all up, you might end up hollow and void. In this world of uncertainty, where we never know what the outcome will be, giving all the pieces is how you end up losing yourself. This is how you end up with nothing at the end, asking yourself how you let it all happen. How you let it come to a point of such emptiness.

We have no control over what cards the universe deals us, but we do however have control over how we choose to play these cards. We can choose to play it safe, or play it recklessly, we can choose to fold or call bluffs. What this means is that we have a choice as to how we react to these events, how much we let ourselves get affected by the circumstances of our lives and ultimately, how much of ourselves we choose to give.

So here’s my advice to you. Always save something for yourself. Always make yourself a priority. You are your own home. You are your own solace. In the end, when all else fails, you really are all you have. In the end, you can only really count on yourself.

And the lesson here is, don’t give all of yourself away because you never know when you just might need to rebuild. You never know when you will have to regroup and start over. And if it comes to that point, at least you’ll have some pieces to start with. If it comes to that point, at least you’ll still have a part of yourself that you can hold onto.

 

 

 

How Not Wanting Kids Takes Pressure Off Finding ‘The One’ In Your 20s

This past year, my Facebook feed has been filled with nothing but a barrage of wedding photos, babies being born and overly cute nausea-inducing pictures of guys on one knee with the caption, “She said yes!” accompanied by the change in status from “in a relationship” to “engaged.” It’s about that time in my life when a good amount of my peers are taking their next steps into the future, whether that be marriage or settling down and starting a family.

And although this might sound like a dream come true for the average gal, it just isn’t my cup of tea. Before I go into anything else, let me tell you that I’ve known I don’t want kids since the age of 15. I knew early on in life that I didn’t want this responsibility and that my free-spirited nature and motherhood weren’t compatible at all.

And now that I’m 24, the same still holds true. People are quick to say that this may just be a “fleeting phase” in my life, and I will want kids when I find “the one.” It’s as if the decisions I make in life and how I’ll live it will be solely based on my meeting of a man.

But I know better, and I have enough self-awareness to realize that my mindset won’t be changing anytime soon. And because of this conclusion that I’ve come to, I’m less inclined to be worried about finding the right partner at this stage of my life.

That being said, here are three ways not wanting kids takes the pressure of finding the one in your 20s:

1. You don’t have to worry about fertility and egg viability.

This is actually a very valid cause for concern, especially for women out there who want big families or those who want to be young moms. Having kids later in life is scientifically linked to a lot of problems, whether they’re health issues of the baby or health risks involving the mother.

As much as women are opting more and more to prioritize careers before settling down, and as much as science has progressed in terms of finding alternative fertilization methods, it is still a fact that by the age of 32, fertility in women starts to decrease. It’s just how our bodies work.

This is mainly due to the fact that the number of eggs in women’s ovaries decrease over time. It also isn’t as easy for whatever eggs are available to get fertilized the older a woman becomes.

Now see, if I wanted kids, knowing my anal, obsessive nature, I would already be freaking out at this point in my life.

What if I don’t find anyone? What if I do find someone and he doesn’t make for a good dad?

What if I do find “the one,” marry him and realize all my irregular periods meant I wasn’t fertile at all? How do I save my eggs?

Can you hear the hysterics in my voice? Yeah, so can I. Gladly, I don’t have to worry about any of these things.

2. I don’t have to be pressured into any timelines.

Aka, I don’t have to worry about my biological time clock ticking. I can focus on my career, travel the world and go to all the remote places I’ve ever dreamed off without worrying that my time to reproduce is running out.

I don’t feel the pressure to find someone to settle down with because the sounds of my biological clock ticking are dull and irrelevant. I can be as free-spirited as I want to be, and I mean this in the truest sense of the word.

I can get up and go whenever I want without any impending timelines of marriage and kids in my head (unless that timeline involves grad school and advancing my career, that is).

I have a friend who is so obsessed about the idea of getting married and having kids, and this constant pressure seeps into her daily life and affects how she interacts with guys. I’ve heard her say some ridiculous things alluding to this, as if the ticking of her biological time clock signals some sort of pending self-implosion.

“If I want kids by this age, then I should be married by this age. If I were to marry by this age, then I need to be engaged by this age, which means I should meet someone right about now.”

I mean, seriously? This just seems ridiculous to me.

As I mentioned earlier, this whole mindset would put me in a perpetual state of anxiety, and it would take the fun out of dating as a whole. I’d constantly be worried about whether or not the guy I’m seeing or interested in would be able to provide this whole future I so desperately desire.

3. I won’t be inclined to settle for just anyone.

I’m not saying that people who are married decided to just settle because they wanted to have kids, but I also know some people who are so consumed by the idea of getting married and starting a family that it seems they’re willing to project their fantasies onto anyone who is willing to put rings on their fingers.

Since I’m not pressured by any timelines, I don’t feel the need to settle down with just anyone. My idea of settling down — at whatever that age may be — is finding someone f*cking extraordinary. I won’t be settling for anything less.

Without this burden, I get to be as selective as I want because there really is no rush. I have all the time in the world to pick and choose and truly learn what kind of person I want to be with. Over time, I will also be able to see whether or not this person is a good fit for me.

And if don’t find the love of my life in my 20s — heck, even my 30s — that won’t bother me as much because I don’t have the whole pressure of wanting to have kids lurking in the back of my mind. If I don’t find anyone to be with for the time being, I’ll happily be my own version of a career-driven, wildly intelligent and fashionable Amal Alamuddin waiting for her very own George Clooney.

I get to focus on the things I want in life such as my career, finding the perfect partner (however long that’ll take) and not adhering to any sort of timeline. And to me, that is all I can ask for.

The 5 Types of Guys You Meet On OkCupid

For most people that have tried dating apps, the fueling thought is “What do I have to lose?” Well, other than your faith in humanity and dating as a whole, not much really. I gave this app a shot for the most of 2015, and I definitely did not come out unscathed. Granted there were some good experiences, but mostly they were weird, anticlimactic and downright disappointing. Nonetheless, here are (from my experiences) the 5 types of guys you meet on OkCupid.

1. The Thirsty

Well, given that this is a dating app, it’s kind of expected.  But aren’t people saying that Tinder is the raunchy, hook-up app, while OkCupid is the app where people are actually interested in DATING?  But then again, who am I fooling? Any app that involves the swiping technique that our generation has so successfully mastered doesn’t exactly scream true love now, does it?

2. The Overenthusiastic

There is a reason I haven’t responded to your first message. And the second. And the third. Yes, according to OkCupid we may have matched up, but I looked at your profile and honestly you should have put something more than “I like Netflix.”

3. The Bad Pickup Liner

Do these lines actually EVER work on girls? I mean, REALLY? Maybe it’s the “my-jokes-are-so-lame-that-she-might-actually-find-me-funny-approach.” Actual pickup lines I have gotten are as follows:

  • So, when are you giving me that massage you promised? (Me having never spoken to this person in my life)
  • Can you take a compliment? Because your eyes are the most beautiful gems I have ever seen. (I’m sure my eyes sparkle in the sky like diamonds)
  • Are you an appendix? Because I don’t understand what you do, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out? (Not gonna lie, this did elicit a genuine laugh from me, but not quite enough to actually go on a date with him)
4. The Mass Messager

This is the person you know hasn’t even read your profile, and is just messaging anyone and everyone within a 30-mile-radius, throwing as many stones as possible to see how many birds he can hit. Stupid messages like “They say my eyes are my best asset, what do they say about you?” And when you delete your account and make a new one (which I am definitely guilty off), you get the exact same message from the exact same person. UGH.

5. And lastly, the Interesting

These are the ones, amidst all the gunk of this dating app, that you actually don’t mind allotting some time of your day talking to. These are the ones who genuinely catch your attention, and make you smile during conversations. These are the ones you might actually consider meeting up with in person for coffee (or a few beers) and risk getting superiorly let down by. But hey, true love (especially ones born within the confines of wifi),  does entail risks right?